How To Deal With Loneliness As You Build Your Online Business – Episode 16

It can be lonely to build an online business! How do entrepreneurs do it? In today’s episode of The Boss Life Podcast, Miguel and Erin Carrasco give you some golden tips to think about the new time you think “I’m lonely!”

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Resources From Today’s The Boss Life Podcast

• How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t – Andrea Owen
• You Are A Bad Ass – Jen Sincero
• Join The Science of Building Your Online Empire

Three Key Boss Points From Today’s Podcast

• Get a new circle of friends who are goal oriented
• Focus on personal development
• Attend events

How To Deal With Loneliness As You Build Your Online Business – Transcript

In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about to deal with loneliness as you build your online business.

I’m so glad you’re the one who’s singing.

(singing). Should I keep going?

Oh yeah, because that part’s really high. Today’s episode is going to be really awesome. I’m really excited about it because this is stuff that nobody really talks about. And we kind of went through different phases. When you’re building your business, maybe it’s starting it, and getting it off the ground. Or maybe, you’ve been able to build your online business to a point where you have left your full-time job, and you’re trying to deal with transitioning there, and dealing with loneliness there, right? We want to talk a little bit about this as you begin your online business. There are certain things that you can do, that will help with-

Yeah, we’re going to give you like six awesome tips that have helped us not be so lonely when we’re growing the business.

And it’s funny. Yes, we do work together, yes we do live together. But often when we’re working together, we are like not, we don’t sit with each other.

No, not a all. That never works. When we first started the business we tried to do that.

We thought it was going to be so cool. We put two little desks in a tiny room.

That lasted all of 20 minutes.

Yeah, it was terrible. The way I work is so different than the way that he works.

I like it nice and cold.

And I need a heater.

And I like music on blasting.

And I need quiet.

And I like the lights off.

And I needed lights.

So this all didn’t work.

We’re like, “This is terrible.” So, we just, we found a way to make it work for us. And, you guys will too. If you are working with your partner and you’re like, “Oh, I want to be with them.” Sometimes it’s going to work and sometimes you’re going to have to find your own space, like a closet or something.

Yeah, so like, let’s talk about the first thing. The first one, that I could say is, if you’re feeling lonely and you’re building a business, or you’re about to start building a business, chances are, a big part of that is your existing friend circle. Just because you’re the one that all of a sudden, all your friend circle decides that you’re actually going to take action and build a business, doesn’t mean that the rest of your closest five friends are also going to start building a business.

Because generally, when you’re spending your time building your business, it’s going to be after work. It’s going to be on weekends. And this is where your buddies are going to want to hang out with you. And we’re not saying not to hang out with your buds, however, this is going to be a challenge for some of you who are still working for your weekends, right?

You’ve got to make some decisions here. This is a decision point. Time to get real. Do you want to build a business, and do you really want to achieve your goals, or do you want to continue doing what you’ve always done, because if you continue doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get the results that you’ve always gotten.

And I’m pretty sure that’s not why you started this online business.

Right, so one of the things, when you start doing that, and I’ll get to the point in a second. Once you start, like for example, they always say that you become the average of the five people you hang out with the most. And this is so true. So if you become that one person, that all of a sudden is like, you know what, I’ve had it, I got to change my life, I want to build this side business, I want to build a side hustle. I’ve got a calling, I’ve got a vision. I know I can do more, I can achieve more, I’m meant for more. You decide to do that, whenever you have that moment, doesn’t mean that your friends all are going to have that moment and cheer you on, right? We’ve talked about this in other episodes. So what will happen a lot of times is if you’re strong, and you do it, you’re going to end up, your friends are going to keep going out. They’re not going to stop their lives. They’re going to keep doing what they’ve always done. Not building a business and living for the weekend and doing what they want to do.

But that’s going to leave you probably a little bit lonely, because now you’re like, well, the friends I used to hang out with, they’re not calling me anymore, not texting me anymore. Or they’re doing their own things, and I don’t have that anymore. I don’t have that social element. One of the tricks that I can tell you here, is that you should get a new circle. And you should replace that circle. So the top five people, maybe that you’ve always hung out with, think of who they are, and now think of the top five people that you want to hang out with. And you might not know who they are yet, and we’re going to give you some ideas of where you can find these people as well, kind of in our other steps. But at the end of the day, if you are battling with a little bit of loneliness, because you started doing something new, chances are the biggest thing you can do, the number one thing you can do is get a new circle of friends.

And we’re going to talk, like Miguel said, about where you might find these people in your life. Because they might not be in your backyard.

They probably are not, definitely not in your backyard. And they can be in multiple places. They could be, and we’ll talk about them in a second, advance all that kind of stuff. But also they could even be in your personal development. As we go to the next few things, sometimes even just people that you don’t know, that you’re just watching and following their journey. Even this podcast episode. While you’re listening to this podcast episode, it’s probably very hard for you to be lonely. Because even if you were before, now you’re engaging with us, you’re talking with us, you’re listening to us, maybe you go to TheBossLife.com/Start and you join our Science To Building Your Online Empire. You join that group, you start engaging in the content, you start meeting people that are on your same journey.

All of a sudden you start creating this whole new circle, and you start to realize that you know what? And we’re not saying not be friends with your old friends. Having a new circle that are headed in your direction, that’s actually probably going to give you more appreciation for your other friends, and to let them do their own thing, and you can still hang out with them once in a while. But I will tell you though, I have changed my circle of friends every four or five years. Not on purpose, it’s just that I’ve leveled up. Erin’s leveled up. And we continuously level up. And in our hearts, in Erin’s heart, and my heart, a big calling is to become the best we can be in the time that we have here on earth to serve people. And so, whoever’s on that journey with us is probably going to stay in our circle.

But if some people decide you know what, that’s not for me, I don’t want to do that, I’m not doing that stuff, I’m going out this weekend, or even, I’m just going to stay at home. I don’t want to build a business. My husband works. I’m just going to hang out with my kids. That’s their own personal decision. But yes, we would be very lonely if we didn’t get a new circle. But we do have a new circle. We’re flying out in a couple days to a conference, and we’re hanging out with some incredible friends that have built huge businesses. You just got to get that new circle and you’ll see that there actually is life after your friends from high school in a lot of cases.

Right. And we want to make sure that you guys understand that this is a process. And it takes time to do this. And it takes effort. So if you want to get a new circle, you have to do things you’ve never done before. And when we talk about diving into personal or business development, one of the first things, if I can give a personal example, when I first started on my personal development journey, I bought into a course from Jen Sincero, and so when her book, You Are a Badass was super huge, if you’ve never read that book, it’s an amazing book. It kind of changed my mindset a lot around everything. I took a full leap. I wasn’t making the income back then to sign up for a course but I’m like, this is going to get me to the next level. And so when I took her course, it was really awesome because I was put into a group with other people who had also made that leap, and so when you decide to go all in with your personal development, whether it’s a course, whether it’s a podcast, whether it’s, you know, when we’re saying masterminds. It depends on what level you’re at in terms of your business.

But when you start doing that and you start getting introduced and connected with other people who are doing the same thing, it’s going to make your world so much less lonely. Because they are going to be struggling with very similar things that you’re struggling with.

Yeah, even the books that you read. We have a book right in front of us right now, what’s it say?

How To Stop Feeling Like, I don’t want to swear because then we’re going to have to put the E thing.

And our kids listen to this podcast.

S-H-I-T. So it’s an amazing book, by Andrea Owen, and I just, I love her. She’s actually going to be a guest on our podcast. And so I’m really excited to bring her to you because her book was amazing. We ended up doing a book study last summer with her book. Because it was so life-changing for me, and so many of our friends and our clients decided to jump on. And every week, on a Sunday, like in summer. I don’t know who else does this, but people who want to get better decided to hop on a call. It was a Zoom call. And we all talked about the chapters. And it was different than your regular fiction book where you’re like, so what do you think this character was motivated to do? And those are great too, and I’m not knocking them at all, but the people that I’m surrounding myself with now, they’re those type of people who want to get on a call on a Sunday evening in the summer and talk about a book that’s opened up your awareness, and changed your life, and sparked something in you. So, you will find those people in your life if you start to do the activities that enable you to find them.

If we look at the next point that I kind of want to get to, is that if you want to really start finding more of those people, and fighting the loneliness, one of the best ways to do that is to attend events.

Yeah, attending events is so key. For me, the last point and this point really are kind of like taking the red pill and the blue pill. I’m dating myself, if you haven’t watched The Matrix, the greatest movie trilogy of all time. After Back To The Future, after The Karate Kid.

I have seen The Matrix, however I still don’t know what this reference means.

Yeah, so there’s the red pill and the blue pill, right? And so at one point in the movie, Neo is asked to take red pill or the blue pill, right? You take the red pill, and you find out the truth. And you take the blue pill and you basically kind of stay in a coma. And in this movie basically the aliens are harvesting human, basically bodies. To power the universe. And in order to keep them there, they’re just feeding stuff into their mind. It’s like mind control.

This is Keanu Reeves, right?

Yes, Keanu Reeves. Yeah. From Winnipeg.

There we go.

And anyway, so then he decides to take the, obviously the red pill. And he finds out the truth. The truth being that, and he wakes up. And so that’s what happens when you do personal development and you go to events. That’s why we’re saying that the loneliness will go away. Because if you just say I’m going to do something, and then you start working on your own without doing these things, you’re going to get very lonely. But once you start reading personal development, and you start attending events, you’re going to see the truth. How many of you have been listening to all of our episodes, and you’re learning stuff, and it’s kind of opening your mind to things that you didn’t even realize were there? In another episode we did a few days ago, we talked about the rules that you have in your mind. How many of you didn’t even know that? And so once you start learning these things, the social constructs, how your mind works. Once you start learning that you can make more income with a side hustle. Once you start realizing that it’s not that hard, then all of a sudden you can’t just-

You can’t go back.

You can’t go back, you can’t go back to like being, oh okay, well it’s party time this weekend. Because you’re going to know that there’s so much opportunity out there. And you can’t go back to hanging out with your friends that aren’t building businesses, because you know that there are people that are. Events are so key for that. Even right now. If you were to go and search your local community for events that are local, sometimes they’re free, sometimes they’re 10 bucks, 20 bucks. Whatever they may be. You should attend those. If you can find conferences that are bigger. Sometimes they’re a little more money. 200 bucks. And they’re local. Sometimes you can fly to events, whatever you choose to do. By going to those events, and immersing yourself in those environments where people are trying to grow and become the best versions of themselves, or they’re trying to build businesses. Tony Robbins flies all over the place. We saw him live in Winnipeg. When you go to those types of events, right? When you go to, for example, in our city. There’s an event called The Secret Handshake. Shout-out to them.

There is?

Yeah, they’ve been doing it for years. And it’s basically entrepreneurs that met once a month.

This introvert is not interested.

Yeah, but you go to these events, and you’re going to meet a ton of introverts. Because most entrepreneurs are really introverted. It’s not like you would think, you’re going to walk into a bar and all these extroverts like high-fiving, secret handshake stuff.

I don’t know.

You walk in, and you get like a little name tag. It looks super cool, and people like chat. And talk about business. So there’s nothing stopping you from going and meeting these people, and hanging out and getting to know them and start building businesses together. Most cities have huge, specific foundations that have been set up in order to help grow entrepreneurship. So there’s all these things that you could research. In your specific cities to figure out. And join the clubs. Join the events. Some of them are free. So like, if you immerse yourself in these things, like Erin said personal development. That’s great in terms of reading and learning. But then if you take the next step and start attending these events, you’re going to see, your eyes are going to open even that much more.

And if you want to take it to another level, bring your significant other or your partner, your spouse to the events. Because chances are, sometimes they’re going to think you’re the only crazy one who has these crazy nights on their phone, and up late, and working hard. And then they’re going to meet other people who are kind of like you. And they’re going to be like, their mind is going to be blown. They’re going to be like, wow. You’re not just the only crazy person out there.

Right?

But yeah. I think that’s a really great point about getting to events, finding them, not all of them are super expensive. But you have to, again, you have to take that leap. You have to take that first step, and do the research. Because you will find people who are crazy like you.

And I know there are some introverts right now thinking, “I’m never going to do that Miguel. I’m never going to do that Erin.”

But you know what, I will say, as an introvert, it is possible to go to an event and sit on the side. And like, just to get there.

Yeah, like right now. Just go to Google and type in like entrepreneurship events.

Or drag a friend with you.

And your city. Just type that in. You’ll find a ton. Type in Ted Talks, whatever your city is. Chances are those are going on, right? You go to, and just go. Trust me. You do this, and you come back, and you tell me that it was bad. You won’t. You’ll tell me that this changed your life. Because if you’re someone that’s absolutely struggling with this kind of stuff, like you’re lonely because you’re building a business, you go to events, you’re going to meet so many people. And what’s cool is they will level you up. Because if you’ve never gone to these events, you’ve never been surrounded with these people. Being around people that are maybe in some cases further ahead than you are, and you’re chatting with them and stuff, you’re going to be pulled into that direction more, and more, and more. And then all of a sudden, you’re going to be like, wow. I can’t believe I used to waste my weekends.

And if you’re still not sold, introverts listening to it, just do it afraid. Take the leap, and do it afraid, and it’s going to be scary for you, for a lot of you.

Do it afraid. We should get that on a shirt.

Do it afraid. And really, honestly, there’s going to be people, and if you meet some extroverts who are kind of too much for you, it’s great. Because they take up the time, and they like to talk. So it’s good. So let’s talk about the next point with how to deal with loneliness while you’re building your online business.

Yeah, so we talked a couple days ago about the idea of rules. And rules that you’ve created.

I think a lot of the times you’ve created these rules around your business, of what it’s going to look like. What is going to look like when I build my online business?

Can I give you an example?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I’m going to go for lunches, whatever I want, it’s going to be awesome. Going to go do some golfing, I’m going to go to the cottage, all summer long. I don’t have a boss anymore. Oh yeah.

And I think this is the biggest thing is that we have these rules that we’ve created of what it’s going to look like, and this freedom, and all that stuff. And then, we realize, we’re like, oh crap, I still have to do the work. And I didn’t either work enough this month to pay for this, so I got to work extra hard to find sales, and clients, and all that stuff. Because building your online business, you get out of it what you put into it. And so sometimes, we have these rules that we’ve created, these preconceived notions of what it’s going to look like, versus what it actually looks like. And so the discrepancy between what it looks like, and what we thought it was going to look like, is where the loneliness comes into play.

That’s why I love, I’ll be honest, that’s why I love the network marketing model. And we haven’t talked about network marketing too much, but I’ll just bring it up for a few minutes here. Because a big pro, if you find a really good company with network marketing, is that you’re surrounded by people that are trying to build a business.

Oh, totally.

I love that. And you have a coach, and you’ve got personal development for free, and you’re just in this really positive group of people that are all trying to build a business. Whereas, all the other models out there, you’re doing it on your own.

Yeah, it’s funny. Any time we’ve been to an event, with our company, and we descend upon the city, the comments are always, “You guys are so happy. You guys are so nice.” Nice and happy. And people that are kind of weirded out when you’re happy.

They are. Isn’t it weird? Being happy is like the new weird.

It is, because people are like, “I don’t get it. Why are you so excited all the time?”

So let’s go to the next one. So, the next one’s kind of important. Because I think that if you’re feeling lonely as you’re building an online business, or as you’re trying to go in this new direction, chances are you’re focusing too much on what you’re losing, every single day, every single minute, versus what you’re gaining.

Totally.

And I’m going to talk a little bit about this at the end. But, if you think about it, if you’re feeling lonely, chances are you’re sitting there right now going, “I’m going to have to work this weekend. I’m not going to be able to go to that birthday party. And then on Saturday, I’m going to miss that thing. And this isn’t fair. I want to go partying.” Or if you have kids, you’re all like, “I don’t want to miss the gymnastics practice that’s coming up. I’ve always gone to all the practices. I don’t want to miss that, I don’t want to do these things, I don’t want to put in the work. I want to watch a movie with my spouse. It’s Netflix time, it’s Game Of Thrones night.”

Oh yeah.

If you’re focusing on all that negative energy, your mind is just going to go negative. And you’re going to get lonely. And you’re going to focus on that. What you really got to do, is just focus on what you’re gaining. Because negativity expands. But positivity expands just as much. So if you start focusing on all the good things you’re going to get. Like, as an example, I’m going to have more money to spend on my business if I don’t go out, right? I’m going to meet more incredible, positive people that are going in the direction that I want to go. If you start thinking about the things like, I’m going to have more time for my kids in a year. A little sacrifice now, I’m going to have more time for my kids. I’m going to have more money. I’m not going to have to be worried about buying soccer cleats every year, or hockey equipment. Because I’m going to have the money from this side hustle that I’m building.

Because man, that stuff adds up.

It really does. We’re doing pretty well, but even this, oh man.

Three kids, three sports.

It’s a lot. It all adds up, right? So you could even focus on long-term positive things. Maybe in a year, we’ll go to Disney World and hang out and have a good time. So if you focus on the positives, what you’re going to get. If you’re single, maybe a new car that you could buy if you were to make an extra 10, 20 grand a year. There’s so many things you could be focusing on.

Mani-pedi, new shoes.

New purse. I don’t know.

I need to go shopping.

You should. You should go shopping. You deserve it.

Yeah.

So the thing is, you got to focus on the positive. But this fifth point really was all about stop focusing on all the negative stuff that you perceive is going to happen, because it’s not reality. And start focusing on the positive stuff that you have to gain from doing this business.

And I think sometimes when we are letting go of our past, there is a grieving part of it. That no one really talks about, which is really important for us to acknowledge. Is that, it is hard, and there is going to be pain, leaving that life behind. Because it is, everything that you’ve, that’s what you’ve known, right? And so, when you’re moving out of that old life, and into this new life, there’s going to be some growing pains with it. And it’s okay to miss the old life, and miss all that, but focusing on what you’re gaining out of it, like Miguel was saying is going to be key to sticking to it.

Yes. Very true. And the last one.

This is a really part of the good one.

Last one, want me to do it?

Yeah, do it.

Get to work, people.

Just do it.

If you’re lonely, I’ll tell you, then you’re probably not working too much. You’re probably sitting there, laptop closed, phone closed, and thinking about, again, all the negative stuff, instead of just actually working. If you’re excited about building this, and you believe you can achieve this, and you’re following our guidance, then you’re going to have success. But the one thing that holds you back from that is that you’ve got to get to work. You got to do stuff. You got to look up a domain name you want to buy for 12 bucks on GoDaddy. You got to research your brand name. You got to implement the things we’re teaching you. You got to join The Science of Building Your Online Empire. You got to take us up on these challenges. If you’re putting in the work, there’s not going to be much time for you to be lonely. And if you’re doing it right, in fact, you’re going to be hoping for the next time that you got a few hours to yourself.

Right. And I think that you have to be very, very mindful of this. Scrolling Facebook, and scrolling Instagram is a semblance of working when you build an online business. That is not working, and if that is something that you’re doing, then saying, “Oh, I’m busy. I’m looking for new clients. I’m looking for this. I’m doing research.” You’re not. You’re just spending time on Facebook and Instagram.

Yeah. I’ll give you an example of working online versus not. Like scrolling, and bla, bla, bla, for no reason. That’s horrible. And we should probably do some tips on growing a business on Facebook.

Wow, that’s a good idea.

We could do that. But I’ll give you one real quick. If you have a business, I’ll give you an example. And you’re selling, I don’t know, eyelashes or something online. You could easily, even if you don’t have money to spend on ads, you could spend time on Facebook, sure. But then, join groups about hair, and makeup, and tips, and things like this. And join all those groups. Join 15 groups. You could do all that in an hour. And then go into those groups, and look at the most popular posts. Look at the ones with the most comments. And then read the comments that got commented, and then you go in there, and you add the best comment that’s ever been added to that thread. And what will happen is, people will read it, they’ll like it, they’ll comment on it, and your comment will be the first comment that’s going to show up on those posts.

You do that with 15 groups in an hour or two. You’re growing a business. People will see your comment, they’re going to add you. They’re going to go to your profile, they’re going to see your business, they’re going to go to your business page. They’re going to add you on Instagram. There’s so many things you could do. That we teach in The Science of Building Your Online Empire. There’s no reason for you not to be working, and just sitting there being lonely. I think that’s a big key.

Oh, totally. Totally agree.

So, the next thing is the challenge. Why don’t you give us a quick overview of the six things that we talked about, Erin, and then I’ll give them the challenge.

Sure. So the first thing we talked about is making sure you get a new circle. Because surrounding yourself with people who are doing what you’re doing, or doing more than what you’re doing. The second thing we talked about was really diving into personal or business development. And a lot ways to do that is with the next point, is attending events. This could be in your city, this could be online, this could be in another city. And then really, the next point is look at your rules. The rules that you’ve set up for yourself, the preconceived notions of the rules that you’ve set up. And acknowledge where your falling short with either the rule that you’ve set up, or have you created a new rule for yourself? And if you haven’t, make sure you get on that. Because that’s going to be key to your success. And then we talk about making sure that you’re not just focusing on the stuff that you’re losing. and really focusing on the stuff that you’re gaining, and what you’re really working for. And then, really, get to work.

I love it. You’ve got to get to work. So let’s talk about the challenge here for a minute. There’s so many different things. I mean, each one of these points could potentially for you be a challenge. So I’m going to give you two options. Option number one for the challenge to do today, option number one is, what I want you to do is figure out what are you working towards? What are you going to focus your mindset on positively? So instead of focusing on the negative, what is that one thing you’re going to do? So maybe in 12 months, you’re goal is to take your family on a trip to Disney with some of the money that you’re going to be making in this brand new business that you’re going to pour yourself into. Maybe it’s two years from now. Maybe it’s helping to pay off one of those car loans that you’ve been trying to pay off. Maybe it’s as simple as making an extra mortgage payment this year, that you weren’t planning on being able to do. Maybe it’s putting your kids in one more activity. What is the goal?

It’s kind of like, we’ll do an episode on dream boards at some point. Dream boards are very powerful, because you can literally go through magazines, you can go online. You can search things. And you can really plan out, what are you going to accomplish in the next five years? And seeing all that visually can really help center you and make you focus on why you’re doing what you’re doing. And remind you why you’re doing what you’re doing. So that’s option one for the challenge.

Option two for the challenge, I will say is find an event in your area. If you don’t want to do that one, do this one. Or do both, if you’re an overachiever. Find an event in your area that you can attend in the next two months, that’s coming up. So maybe it’s this weekend, maybe it’s the next two months, that’s coming up. So maybe it’s this weekend, maybe it’s the next two months. I want you to find an event, I want you to register for it. And I want you to attend it. And I think you’re going to see, when you go to that event, that your mindset’s going to shift, you’re going to find new people, new connections that are on your wavelength, and your whole circle will start to change.

I love that.

I love it. So, with that, we shared a lot. So we want to make sure that you ditch the employee mindset. And start living The Boss Life.