How Your Ego Is Limiting Your Success – Episode 14

The Boss Life Podcast explains the core difference between ego and confidence so that you can grow at a rapid pace. Learn the core things to look for not just in yourself, but also your coaching clients. Erin and Miguel Carrasco also provide you with some tips and strategies to become incredibly likable!

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Resources From Today’s The Boss Life Podcast

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Three Key Boss Points From Today’s Podcast

• It’s ok to be confident, it’s not going to help you if you have a big ego.
• Learn how to increase your likeability factor!

How Your Ego Is Limiting Your Success – Transcript

In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how your ego is limiting your success.

Well there is a strong possibility if you have an ego that it’s really messing with you.

Or you’re let it get in the way and we want to share this with you because I think there’s a lot of times where you hear having confidence is the thing that’s going to build your business and we want to talk a little bit about that and the difference between your confidence and your ego.

Confidence is great.

Yeah.

Ego is terrible.

Well, I think it’s important to still have an ego but a lot of this … Because that will …

Could you just say it? It’s okay to have an ego.

Yeah.

So I can have an ego? Yeah.

To an extent, to an extent.

Dang, I look good.

Because sometimes we need to have a little bit of an oomph to what we do in order to come across a certain way but we want to talk about when that goes too far.

That is so, so true. I mean, there’s a lot of people that I know that are very confident but I don’t sense an ego.

Yes.

But there’s a lot of people that I know that they’re not actually confident.

All you see is their ego.

All you see is ego. Why don’t we start there? What is the difference between ego and confidence? You want me to give some examples or do you want to go?

Yeah, I think you can give them some examples on that one.

Okay, so like basically ego is when you think so highly of yourself that you’re just … You think you can learn from no one, like you’re just untouchable, but in reality, deep down inside, the reason that you express that to the outward world, I would say, is because you actually really, really lack confidence.

Totally.

I think you’ll find a lot of people, if you close your eyes and you think for a moment, and now don’t do this if you’re driving, but if you close your eyes and think for a moment, think of the people that in your life you feel have a big ego, if you think about them, picture them in your mind, I’ll tell you right now that most of those people are the people with the least confidence.

Yeah, and I think like if you look at someone on social media and they’re … And we want to make sure we’re not telling you not to boast about yourself because you do need to talk about your successes when you’re building an online business because otherwise no one will know if you’re having success, but there is a difference. I want you guys to think of one person right now in your life that you see post on social media who it gives off like a yucky vibe. It gives off like look at me, I’m so awesome, it’s all me, me, me, and they might be sharing … Whether it’s sharing financial success, whether they’re sharing fitness success, whether they’re sharing, I don’t know, relationship success. Whatever it is, whatever success they’re sharing, you can tell that that person, it turns you off. We’re going to talk a little bit what they’re doing might be turning you off but there’s that one person, right?

Yeah, and one of the tricks for that I find is that … Well, let’s finish confidence. Confidence is when you actually have gained a lot of knowledge in a specific area and you’re just confident about it because you know a lot. Like to give you an example, I used to study martial arts, right? If you had confidence in martial arts, it’s typically because you trained three times a day, you had already passed your black belt test, you know, you’re just a confident person because of the skills that you have but at the same time you didn’t really have the ego part because you’re just confident in your skills. You’ll see those people post as well on social media and you can tell right away that they’re just confident but they’re not boastful.

Right and I think that that’s the difference. If you look at someone that you know on social media that’s sharing a success and it makes you feel like genuinely happy for them or proud of them or excited, there is a difference in the way that they’re sharing their success.

Yeah, like I know a guy that’s incredibly successful, I don’t know how much he’s worth, but I’m pretty sure he’s got a few businesses worth over a million dollars and he’s always posting new photos of his car, like he’ll post a photo of his R8 or a picture of his new Lamborghini or check out my new house, but then I know some people that are incredibly successful that I know for a fact made over a hundred million dollars selling their businesses and things like that checking out, but they have a nice house, they have all that stuff too but they’re not egotistical about it, they’re not boastful about it. They’re basically just confident about it and I think a big part of that is they’re willing to teach, they’re willing to share. Their posts on social media are more like teaching you new things.

Yeah, they’re adding value to your life, right? And I think a lot of the times is the intention, the intention behind the post, right?

One of the big things. Tell us the next … That’s what the difference between confidence and ego, how can this really affect someone’s success?

The number one reason that this can affect your success, so say that you are letting your ego get in the way, one of the biggest things that we see with a lot of the people that we are helping and a lot of our clients is that the ego gets in the way of being coachable. If you want to be a success and you want to learn from people that are successful or you are paying for someone to be a mentor or a business coach, and one of the number one things that you’re not doing is being coachable, that is because your ego is getting in the way. That is saying you know better than this person who are likely paying to coach you.

That’s so true. I mean, at the end of the day if you’re going for someone for help and advice, right? If your ego gets in the way, you’re not going to be able to learn anything.

Right.

Right? I get it, it’s a fine line, because sometimes what happens is … Let me help you guys a little bit with this, it’s like you don’t want to seem like you don’t know things to someone that you look up to, right?

Totally.

So if you’re going to someone for coaching, some of you let your ego get in the way because you’re like well, I don’t want to sound like I’m not smart enough so I’m going to tell them all the things I know and anytime they say anything I’m going to say oh yeah, yeah, I know that part, right? If you know everything, then what’s the point of getting advice? I’ll tell you, for me specifically, I’ll talk about myself maybe, and maybe Erin can give an example, but like there’s a lot of things that I’m really, really good at but there’s a lot of things I need help with and at the same time.

Even the things that I’m really, really good at, if I’m going to someone for help or I buy their course or I go to their event, I’m going to have an open mindset that hey listen, if I’m sitting here for an hour, even though they may be talking about something that I’m an expert in, they’re going to teach it differently. They’re going to come at it from a different angle. You know, what can I learn from how they’re presenting the topic that I already know about? Maybe there’s a little golden nugget that I don’t know that they’ve figured out, Right?

There’s always something of value that you can get from someone, even if you’re already an expert on a topic. Frankly, if you’re not an expert at all, then really, you really need to open your ears. I always say God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason, right? You could spend most of your time listening and less of your time talking.

Yeah, and I think when I’ve seen this, this is exactly something I witnessed at a conference a couple of years ago. It was with one of the companies we were with and it was a leadership convention and some of the people who were even speaking on stage, they’re sitting in the front row and this is such a key for success, so these people had a lot of success in their business already and then when people came on stage who were speaking, who maybe hadn’t reached the level of success they had in their business, they were still taking notes because what Miguel was saying is that you have to understand that while you might have success in a certain area, there is something that you can always learn from someone else.

That is so true. Number one really is you have to be coachable. Promise me guys, that you’re going to be coachable because if you’re not it’s going to be a very tough road for you, especially building an online business.

Next thing we want to talk about a little bit is modeling success and I’ll maybe kick us off with this one. In terms of modeling success, right? You can’t do that if you have a massive ego, right? You can do that if you have confidence but you can’t do it with ego, so let me give you an example. We always talk about modeling success and really what this is is if you want success in another area of your life or a new area of your life like an online business, I’ll tell you the fastest way to do it is to model someone else’s success.

Totally.

Right? Modeling, seeing what they did. Finding someone that can coach you, help you, that can tell you, like by you listening to this podcast, if you listen to this podcast’s episodes every single day, a year from now you’re going to have absorbed so much content that we’ve spent years learning and digesting to you that you’re just going to grow so quickly. At the same time, if you start modeling the things that we’re doing, if we give you an invite, for example, to go and join an event or do something with us or work with us one on one, if you start doing those things and you start modeling the things that we’re doing, I think you’ll have a lot more success than if you’re not doing that.

Right. I think that if you are letting your ego get in the way, you’re going to be like meh, you know, I’m not really going to go ahead and do what they’re saying. Maybe I know this part better so I’m going to do it this way and we’ve talked about that before, right? When you’re reinventing the wheel and that is just … You’re letting your ego kind of reinvent the wheel because there’s no point to it, right? When we reinvent the wheel, you’re wasting so much time that you could be using to build your business, right?

Yes, you really have to do that. So what’s the next one that we want to talk about? I’ll let you kick this one off.

Yeah, so I think when you’re looking at being confident or you’re looking at being egotistical, one of the biggest things, and when I talked about those two different people, remember when I asked you like think of a person who you consider arrogant or egotistical and then think of someone that you think of as successful and confident. There is very slight differences, right? One of the biggest things is someone who is confident versus egotistical has a huge likability factor.

If you look at the likability factor, there’s like a scale, right? If you look at someone who has a lot of charm and charisma, they are higher on the likability factor and so if you were to take that person in your mind that is egotistical and list out the qualities that they have, and then you took that person who’s confident and you list out the qualities they have, they would have a lot of the same qualities that you would be comparing, but there would be very, very slight differences. But those slight differences are they’re relatable and they are likable.

There’s a really good book called The Like Switch and if you are struggling with this aspect, I highly encourage you guys to pick up that book just because it’ll allow you to become aware of the things that you’re doing. If you look at your own behaviors and how you post on social media and you’re like I’m not sure, am I coming across the way that I want to come across or is it coming across very egotistical? Take a look at someone that you admire who is confidently posting and take a look at your posts and see can you draw any similarities from that.

That’s great. Another great book that I love is called the Likability Factor, it’s by Tim Sanders, and the reason I like that book is he breaks everything down into kind of four core elements of being likable and he gives really great examples, but just to summarize quickly, like some of the four. The first one he talks about is friendliness, right? Just being friendly. Where is your ability at to be friendly and nice to people and hold doors for people and you know, just be generally a nice person? Maybe ask yourself that one.

Are you generally a nice person?

Right, and if you got a big ego, chances are you’re friendliness scale isn’t very high and people don’t want to be your friend, right? Part of that is just being able to communicate openly, honestly, listen to people, all that kind of stuff. Number two, he talks about relevance, so when you’re speaking with people, are you talking about things that are relevant to them? Right? That can really increase your likability factor, so like if you’re out with people or whatever and they’re trying to chat with you about something and all you care about is talking about your brand new car.

Right.

And you keep switching it back to you or check out my sweet seats, aren’t these seats awesome?

Nobody really cares about your seats.

Right. I used to have a friend that I used to work with, I won’t say his name or whatever, but I used to like music, right? So I’d buy like a new speaker or something and be like oh yeah, did you get that one? Yeah. Yeah, I got one that’s better. It’s got like the next model version.

The one upper.

Yeah, the one upper dude, right? Then I’d be like … Another day would happen and he’d come over and genuinely he wanted to be my friend because he’d come to my office and sit with me in the mornings, but then he’d be like hey, how’s it going? Or whatever and it’s like oh … And I’d be like oh yeah, I bought this … For example, I got a new car. Oh, I got this new car and he’s like oh yeah, well what’d you get? That one. Oh yeah, I had that car like five years ago but it just wasn’t really good because these reasons so now I drive this car, it’s better. Right?

It was just like everything is always … They’re one upping you so being relevant is more like trying to talk to people about the things that they want to hear, right? You don’t have to … And that’s another big sign of ego is if you’re not, if you’re just talking about yourself. Then the third thing he talks about is empathy, right? Being able to acknowledge other people’s feelings, right?

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Like how Erin is feeling in the moment and acknowledging those, and I’m always good for that. Whenever Erin is stressed out …

Oh yeah, we never have …

Never fight.

… any kind of arguments about that.

No, I always know exactly where she’s at, on point, you know?

Oh yeah, because men are so on point with that.

Yeah, but you guys know what I mean, right? Empathy right? Because like you have to understand where people are coming from. The last one that he talks about, and we could probably do a whole podcast now that I’m thinking about this whole book, but is really realness, right? Being real, right? And that’s not boastful, egotistical, that’s being real, like sharing your struggles, sharing … Like we talked about in another podcast episode, sharing your struggles, sharing things you’re going through, sharing how you got through them, and all those things.

I think genuinely if you have a high likability factor, right? You’re definitely going to be more along the sides of confident versus egotistical.

Totally and you know, if you want another … I know we keep throwing books at you today.

We read lots of books.

We do and they really have changed how we relate to other people and how we come across on social media and they’ve really helped our business, so one of the best books, it’s a really old book, and I know if you’ve listened to a lot of personal development or other successful people talk, you’ve heard of this book. If you have not picked it up, pick it up. It’s called How To Win Friends and Influence People and it was written, oh probably I think in 1920s maybe. It’s an old, old book by Dale Carnegie and it is so amazing and it’s not a long read.

It was written in … Or published I guess, in 1936, over fifteen million copies.

Oh perfect. Yeah, and so like I’ve even got a copy for our kids because the concepts in there, while they seem so basic, they are so useful, like making sure you use someone’s name. That person in their brain, right? So if I were to use your name and it would light up certain parts of your brain that would get you to like me faster, right? And if I wanted to make sure that you had a connection to me, I would ask you a lot of questions and I would … People’s favorite subject to talk about is themselves, right? So being able to ask the right questions, using someone’s name, it is just such an important part of learning how to relate to people and build your business through relationships.

I love it. What do we have next?

Now we’re going to go off to the challenge.

The challenge, and I’m going to give you guys the challenge today and before I give you that, I want you to really understand that we don’t want you to after this episode be like sheepish, right?

Right.

And like lose your power.

Right.

That’s not the point of this. Like if anything, you got to up it. You got to up your confidence. You got to be okay with sharing your wins and your successes. You got to be okay with … And I want to say bragging, but like if you have a win, to celebrate that win. On Friday in our group, The Science of Building Your Online Empire, and by the way, if you’re not in that … I don’t know what’s up. Like you got to join us in there, it’s a good time, it’s a great time, and this last Friday we did celebration Friday to celebrate your victories and people posted videos of themselves like happy, celebrating what they did this week and accomplished, and it was awesome. That group is totally free so if you go to TheBossLife.com/start, you can check that out.

But the whole thing is you have to have confidence without the ego part and that will allow you to succeed, so today’s challenge is quite simple. What I want you to do is I want you to find someone that could be a mentor or find someone that you respect or find someone that you feel you could learn from, and it could be someone either like in person that you know or it could be someone through like a text message or that you know online, or it could even be through a book, right? Through a book that you’ve read before maybe but you didn’t take it all in. What I want you to do this time is either read the book or listen to the podcast or reach out to that person but do that with an open mind and actually be ready to be coachable, and think about how you can model that success and think about how you could communicate better with that person so that they might even give you more knowledge.

One of the coolest things that I’ve done in my life I think for me that I’m very happy about when I look back, I mean there’s lot of things I’ve done that have been mistakes but there’s lot of things that I’ve done that I think have worked really well is I’ve found people that were willing to teach me things, right? And those people, like I owe them so much because without them there’s no way we would have gotten to where we’ve gotten and without them you’re not going to get to where you would’ve gotten.

Totally.

Whether that’s a book, like Tony Robbins, or whether that’s a person or whether that’s your parents, doesn’t matter, so that’s the challenge for today.

Yeah, and I’m going to add onto that. I really want you guys to read the book How To Win Friends and Influence People. We don’t make money off this, this is just such … It’s such a short, quick, easy read and I think you can take one of those things from that book and implement it like ASAP. Like it doesn’t … And even if you’re introverted or you’re shy or you’re not so sure, like it’s not going to ask you to go up to someone that you don’t know and like give them a hug, right? It’s going to give you some applicable things that you can use in your business today to build it.

I love it. I love it. With that, I want to remind you to ditch the employee mindset and start living the boss life.