Why Faking It Till You Make It Is BS – Episode 18

You should never fake anything until you make it. Most of you aren’t succeeding because you keep telling yourself you are faking it. In today’s episode, The Boss Life Podcast gives you a new way to think that will change your life forever.

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Why Faking It Till You Make It Is BS – Transcript

In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about why faking it till you make it, is BS.

Well, I think this is such an important topic for us to talk about, especially with those of you who are just beginning your entrepreneurial career or those of you guys who’ve probably experienced someone at some point in your life, telling you to fake it till you make it.

Yeah, I’ve heard that my whole life, fake it till you make it. Fake it till you make it. Hey, you should just fake it till you make it.

I mean, I thought-

Hang on, stop for a second, you should really fake it till you make it.

Maybe I am and you don’t know, you don’t know. I think it’s really, really interesting that it’s a statement that everybody knows. Someone’s probably said it to you. And you probably said it to somebody else. If you’ve been mentoring or helping someone learn something, and usually it’s said out of love and care and in a positive way like you can do this.

You’re not that person yet so, why don’t you just pretend that you are because, you’re not. You should just fake it till you make it. There’s three major elements that we need you to understand about why faking it till you make it is complete BS. I think it’s going to empower you a lot. Erin, why don’t you kick us off?

Awesome. So one of the statements that I love to make sure our clients know and now we’re letting you guys know this, is I need you guys to change the narrative-

Wait, wait, this is a top secret thing.

This is top secret. Stuff we’ve never shared outside of our bosses group.

Is this that secrets you’ve never shared.

This is the secret we’ve never shared.

This is one of them. You got to write this down. This is good.

Yeah, write it down or re-record or never record. But rewind and-

Record. Record your own podcast. You should probably do that. Why not?

It’d be great. But here’s one of the things that I want you guys to rewrite the narrative of, instead of faking it till you make it, I want you to change it to imitate until you become it.

Imitate until you become.

I think it’s important for that, for our minds to understand that just because we’re doing stuff we’ve never done before, doesn’t mean that we’re faking anything. I think the statement faking it implies that you are not being real, you’re not being authentic. You’re not being you. You’re being fake.

What is this making it thing anyway. I’ve yet to feel like I’ve made it.

That’s the thing, right? Because eventually what will happen is the knowledge and skills that you feel you lack right now, they will become more automatic, you’re never going to be an expert in it. But where sometimes when you’re trying to gain more confidence or do more live videos or do more stories, or go post on Facebook, or whatever it is. Or talk to potential buyers or customers or whatever it is.

You feel an imposter, right? Because you don’t necessarily know how to do what you’re trying to do. When we talk about imitating until you become it-

That’s good. Actually, I’m going to talk about imposters when you’re done here because that’s important.

Yeah, and I mean, I think it’s really important for you guys to know that eventually the skills that you’re trying to acquire right now, where you feel so uncomfortable at some point that you’re trying to do it and trying to make it look you’re not uncomfortable. Eventually you will become more comfortable doing that.

That’s what’s really, really key about this is that when you are imitating something we know you will always tell you guys to model success, right? Don’t reinvent the wheel. But when you imitate someone successful, you are looking at the behaviors that is making them successful and you’re modeling them.

Can you give us an example of imitating until you become it versus fake it and make it. How would someone go ahead and imitate someone until they they become it? Let’s set up a scenario maybe for them and maybe explain it.

I think this is a really important one. Say there are some of you who are terrified of public speaking or going live on social media. I want you guys to … I guess this will be a little mini challenge. We have another one at the end too. But I want you to look at the people that you admire in your field who are doing what you want to do.

And I want you to study them. I want you to look at their live videos and I want you to see how they stand? How they use their hands, the inflection of their voice, because that is modeling success. If you study someone, and you’re like, “I’m suck at this, this person rocks at this. So I’m going to study this person so that I can learn the different nuances that they know. And they do that’s making them successful. And I can model it.” That’s a big difference.

I love it. I love it. Because I’m an introvert, right? And I’ll debate this till I’m blue in the face. I am. The definition really of that is how do you get energy? Do you get energy from being in a crowded room with tons of people and talking and you’re fired up and you get so much energy from it? Or do you lose energy?

I gain energy from being downstairs with the lights off working on my laptop or computer. That’s how I get energy. So I’m an introvert. When I got into this whole thing, I’ve told some of you before, I was a programmer, and I wanted to earn more income. I realized that public speaking basically teaching other people how to be successful was the key.

Well, I didn’t want to get up onstage and talk to two people let alone a room of 100 people back then. 100 was the goal and I was like never. I could have faked it till I make it and just got up on there and just started winging it. Just fake it and be like, “Whoo,” whatever. That wouldn’t work.

But what I decided to do instead was imitate it until I became it, right? I found exactly what Erin said, I found people that I can think of in my head right now. One of them I’m going for lunch with next week. I was like, “Hey, they’re awesome. I need to imitate until I become it.” I would imitate, imitate, imitate.

I would watch them present, I would see how they did it. I would purposely go to their presentations and see what things were great and what things weren’t great. When you’re imitating as well, you should customize, right? I’d be like, “Well, I can’t really say that joke, because that doesn’t make any sense for me.”

But they said a joke here. How would I add a joke in? How are they standing? All that stuff. That’s imitating. That’s way more powerful because when you’re imitating someone and you’re trying to be like them that way is completely different than faking it. It’s such a de-powering is that even a word? De-powering I’ll make it

We’re going to make a word today.

It’s a de-powering term to say, I’m going to fake it. Because now you’re just saying you’re fake, and you’re not fake, you’re imitating until you become it. I love what you said there.

Right. That kind of brings us into our next point about something coined as … This term is coined as the imposter syndrome. For those of you guys who don’t really know what the imposter syndrome is, or that it exists, but I guarantee almost all of you guys have felt it. Is when you’ve had success before in your life, and all of a sudden you’re like, “What if someone finds out I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

I’m actually not this awesome.

Right? And I think you feel like when is the other shoe going to drop? And people are going to realize that … Especially when you have success, and then you’re like, “Now, what do I do?” If any of you have ever felt that way, make sure that you let me know on Instagram or anything and you’re listening to this.

Because that is one of the biggest things. I remember when, in my business, I had a huge amount of success. It seemed it happened quickly. It didn’t. But I remember feeling like, “Oh crap, what do I do now?” And like, “I don’t really know what I’m doing.” The thing was, and we’re going to talk about this too, is that when people take action, and they work hard, and they learn, and they research and they take action, and take action, and take action.

All of that stuff will eventually get you some success, right? We might feel we’re telling ourselves, we have no idea what we’re doing. But the successful people that I’ve learned from in my life or I have seen in my life, they’re not the ones who just sit there and research. They’re the ones who just fail forward. They’re the ones who take action and learn on the way.

It’s so true. In other careers, even when I worked for other companies. At one point, I was a consultant. I would fly around and consulted different organizations and like high end corporations, I’m not going to mention. But I remember one time I went to … I flew out to do a presentation at what used to be called the Sears Tower is now called the Willis Tower in Chicago.

I love Chicago.

Right? Is beautiful city, I fly out there all expenses paid whatever from the company I was working for. And I present to a crowded room of like, I don’t know, it was 10 or 12 people at this corporation trying to pitch them an idea. They basically as soon as I started off talking, they’re like, “First of all, we just want to let you to know that we’ve already selected.”

Then they say the company name and it’s a massive agency from New York City, and I’m like, “Okay. I’m screwed.” Right? But I gave it my best pitch. I did what I could. They ended up giving us another week to prepare more stuff because like, “Wow, we really like this. Could you give us 100 page thing in five days.” I was like, “Sure. No problem.” I remember calling Erin and going, “Hey, I’m staying in Chicago for five more days.”

Because now you got to make this thing. That I don’t know how to make.

She’s like, “What are you going to do?” I’m like, “I’m literally going to lock myself in this hotel room. And I’m going to work on this thing.” They actually flew someone else out to help me do this thing because it wasn’t … whatever. Anyway, long and short of it is, I remember sitting there going like, “I am so imposter syndrome right now. There’s no chance,” right?

But then I just focused. For some reason I was like, “No, no. I believe in me,” right? And a light bulb went off, and I switched and we ended up winning a huge contract.

That’s amazing.

Right, but still, I know exactly what it feels to have that imposter syndrome. I remember sitting there going, “Oh my gosh, we’re going to blow this proposal now.”

They’re going to realize that I have no idea what I’m doing.

I have no idea of what I’m doing. But then I wrote it all out and beat out a massive agency. Here’s the thing, everyone feels this way. Authors they write a book. It goes number one bestseller. We’ve talked to authors that have got number one bestseller. They feel imposter syndrome, everyone feels it.

If you’re someone sitting there going, “I don’t deserve this level of success.” It’s totally not a true statement. But it will take you some time to power through it and work through it. Just because you listen to his podcast, you’re not going to be like, “Oh, okay, I believe in myself now.”

Right. I think like when you have the imposter syndrome come out in your life is important to acknowledge it, right? And just be like, “Hey, what’s up.” Have that awareness that it isn’t really, that you don’t deserve this, right? And A lot of times, we downplay our success. And when someone else compliments it, the most damaging thing that we can do to ourselves, because we sometimes feel we don’t deserve the success.

What I want you guys to realize when this happens to you, when you have some success, and you’re feeling uncomfortable with it, and you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop and you’re waiting for everyone to realize that you have no idea what you’re doing. I want you to give other people some credit, and I’m going to explain myself.

I’m not telling you to say, like thank them. I’m telling you that you need to give other people credit because what would mean if you were actually faking it. If you are actually didn’t deserve all the success, but somehow you got it. That means you tricked every single person that was part of the success. Right? That means that you tricked every single person. I don’t know. That’s a lot of people to trick, right?

Right. Actually, after a couple of years, you’re like, “Okay. Wait a minute.”

Wait a minute I actually did work really hard.

I’ll Add to that one’s you’ve done that but go ahead.

No, but that’s the thing right? When you look at the situation. You’re telling yourself people are going to realize I don’t know what I’m doing. That means you actually fooled all the people who you’ve either been helping or the company you’re working with, or that boss that gave you the promotion, you fool them all. I mean, I feel you’re talented. But I know you didn’t fool all those people.

Right? That’s kind of how my whole career for 15 years went, I kept feeling I was faking till I make it. Then I ended up leaving the whole thing, which was kind of crazy, to do entrepreneurship. At that ending point I was really like … It’s going to sound weird, but I was like, “Yeah, I’m pretty friggin awesome.” I get it now.

Here’s the point why I’m saying that is, well, what you’ll realize over time, for example, this podcast went number one the first day, so for a few minutes, I was like, “Okay, we’re number one in iTunes on business.” Then I almost felt that imposter syndrome. I was like, “Why are we number one over Gary Vee and all these incredible people Tony Robbins and Brendon Burchard all these awesome people, right?

Rachel Hollis.

Rachel Hollis, sorry, you’re number two now.

We still love you guys.

I felt that but then all of a sudden people started reaching out and saying how awesome the podcast was and then all sudden iTunes featured our new and newsworthy or whatever. Then it was one of the hot ones and whatever. It was awesome. Eventually I was okay. Here’s the thing I want you to understand is, I think what happens is when you haven’t yet achieved a certain level success you put so many people on these pedestals.

Not that they don’t deserve them. But you think they must have some magical superpower, right? That you don’t have. That these people like Tony Robbins, Gary Vee like Michael Jordan, you name them that they somehow have this magical power that was bestowed upon them that you don’t have.

The reality is the only thing if anything of a superpower that all of those people have are two things. One, they found something they were passionate about. And number two, they worked harder than everybody else. I really firmly believe that. Look at Michael Jordan, Michael Jordan.

He did not make his high school basketball team. Okay. What changed is that he was in that gym practicing shot, after shot, after shot, in order to become the best. There’s so much that’s not even written about his training regimen and his workouts and what he ate and his nutrition, all these things, it’s not …

I want you to understand that, because what that means for you is that any goal that you have, any dream that you have in your life in your belly, in your heart, that was put into you was put in there for a reason, for you to make a reality. The only thing that’s stopping you from getting from point A to point B, from the bottom of the mountain to the top of that mountain is really, quite honestly, it’s just hard work.

That hard work will get you there. And you’ll realize that there is no imposter syndrome there. It’s just that you worked harder than everybody else and you deserve to be there.

Right. The reason we talked about this imposter syndrome is because when you use the statement, fake it till you make it, this imposter syndrome feeds into the statement. That’s why I want you to re label it as imitate until you become it. Because that puts an entirely different perspective in your brain, in your heart, in your inner dialogue.

We’re going to talk about one of the other things that kind of pokes out when we’re talking about imposter syndrome. The next thing that we want to really highlight in terms of faking it till you make it is your inner critic.

Your inner critic.

Your inner critic.

I have an inner critic?

Everybody has-

Like a movie critic.

Yeah. They’re really mean.

He doesn’t like me.

Well-

Maybe it’s a lady.

Maybe it is a lady.

How does it work.

Your inner critic is, that internal dialogue that’s in your head. That will tell you, you know, it’s usually about your limiting beliefs, you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, your fear of failure, fear of success. When we talk about the inner critic there’s a lot of research around the inner critic, and how to manage the inner critic.

A lot of this is just having the awareness and listening to, you know, not telling it to take a hike, but acknowledging that it’s there, there’s a reason why your inner critic comes up and says all these crazy things that are not true. If you’re trying to launch podcast it might say, “Who are you to launch this podcast? You have no idea what you’re doing. Why is anyone going to listen to you?” Right?

When we have those inner critics talking to us that way, the best way to manage that is to be aware of it. Then really, look at the evidence, this is the best thing I could tell you. If you’re struggling with an inner critic-

Look at the evidence. There’s evidence?

Yeah.

That this inner critic is right.

Well-

Or he’s wrong.

… I think that that’s the difference, right? You have to look at it. What is the story that my inner critic is spinning? Is there evidence to support what’s going on in my head. When you look at that as a whole perspective, that is really going to change whether you let your inner critic dictate what happens in your world. Or if you are going to not let the inner critic dictate what happen in your world. That’s completely up to you.

Yeah, how many of you … I’m going to ask you right now. How many of you have that inner critic inside of you? In this moment right now that’s just telling you not to do stuff. A lot of times. That inner critic is literally what’s holding you back. Because that’s why you’re not taking action, people always talk about procrastination.

We have an episode coming up about procrastination. If we haven’t published it before this when we kind of choose later on we record and then we decide. But the procrastination episode is really about procrastination. But really, if you think about inner critics, right?

Inner critic, is the biggest thing that’s going to make you procrastinate because the inner critic is the guy that’s telling you to not bother, don’t bother. That’s the inner critic the one that’s saying don’t bother, go watch Netflix, go watch Game of Thrones. Go watch YouTube, because what do you have to share with the world? You got nothing to share? You’ve made so many mistakes. You’ve done so many dumb things before.

All that stuff builds up, that’s why in one of our … We actually these mastermind excursions, where we take a group of people and we take them out to this beautiful island basically, and we do a walk with them and we get them to get rid of their baggage. Right? That is such a powerful exercise that we do.

Many people who’ve taken there, their whole lives transformed from that day. I’m not going to give away the secrets of what we do.

No. Don’t give away that secret.

But it’s-

You all have to come with us.

Yeah, it’s amazing because these people, they get rid of all this baggage, all this stuff, their inner critic that’s telling them all this stuff that’s quite frankly, not true. Right now, even though I’m telling you that you need to get rid of this, you’re not going to but doing this exercise, being immersed for three days with us. You will do that.

And we’re going to offer these masterminds at some point here. We just haven’t got to that yet. But you really got to get rid of your inner critic because that is really … If you want to beat procrastination … I’m a big believer in if you’re trying to beat procrastination. Really?

Do you take the Advil pill for the headache? Sure, that may help for a second, but what caused the headache, right? What’s causing the procrastination? It’s probably that inner critic.

I think that it’s really important for you guys to know that it’s not something that you just turn off. Is something that you have to work to be aware of. Because you will always have an inner dialogue, and you get to choose whether it runs your life or you acknowledge it and move on.

The reason that your inner critic is so powerful is because it focuses on feelings of shame. So you’re having things come up in your life and as your inner dialogue that are limiting beliefs, because they make you feel shameful. That’s why it’s so powerful for you to have that acknowledgement. And to really ask yourself, again, where is the truth in this? What’s the story I’m telling myself? Do you have any evidence about this.

If you’re looking for a really, really great book, How to Stop Feeling Like bleep Sh bleep T by Andrea Owen. She talks a lot about this goes really in depth about different habits that we have and how to manage that and just have some awareness. If you are struggling with any of the stuff that we talked about today, I definitely suggest you pick up that book.

It was amazing read for me and just a lot of our clients when we did an in depth book review with it. But it’s such a powerful tool for you to learn how to acknowledge some of these feelings you might be having.

I love it. You guys-

No, no, you go. Look, I’m being polite.

I’m going to be even more polite. I’m going to say, Erin, why don’t you give us or give them the challenge for today.

All right. This is obviously a topic that I really, really love. I talk a lot about your inner critic-

By the way, it’s quite funny that our cat right now is literally trying-

Trying to destroy our podcast.

… is trying everything in his power to knock over everything around us right now. Our microphone, our light’s stand and everything. We’re-

We’re not going to rerecord this, because-

We’re not going to re-record this. We’re trying to be real.

… it’s just life. Yeah-

But-

If you have pets in your house, that’s just getting all your videos and all your stuff. Then that’s awesome.

If you hear a smashing bang-

Then that’s what that is.

… it’s our cat that is-

We’re still alive.

He is nitro. And have you heard that song? What’s that song as crazy as psycho?

Sweet but a Psycho.

It’s really popular. Sweet but a Psycho

Yeah. That’s him.

That’s his song.

All right. Let’s go back to the challenge.

Oh, right. The challenge.

Yeah, the challenge. If you guys have … If any of this has really identified with you, from today, I want you guys to understand that a lot of this is just awareness. A lot of this is just paying attention to those feelings and then really relabeling fake it till you make it.

Because I want you guys to imitate until you become it and that’s what’s going to change so much for you, if you decide to change that statement in your narrative. Challenge, I want you guys to identify some of the lies you’re telling yourself about your ability to have success.

Oh, yeah, write them down.

Write them down. If you feel super confident, you want to share them on social media, make sure you tag us. You don’t have to. It’s not part of it at all. But really, when you have the awareness, and then you make the decision to bring those into light. Those kind of shameful feelings and all that kind of stuff. When you bring that into the light. They can’t exist, because they hide in the dark. They’re hiding the shame feelings.

You take away their power.

Yeah, totally take away their power. That’s-

Just like what I did to the house today.

Yes.

Because we travel a lot. We have a wicked system now around the house.

We do.

You step on front of the property. The light will shine upon your.

Light like a Christmas tree.

You will not hide in the darkness.

But it’s like Gremlins, right? So I mean, if you look at that movie back in the 80s, the Gremlins what happens when you shine light on them, right? I think this is … Or you throw water on them. I don’t remember. Anyways, it works. Okay. Some of this-

[crosstalk] on the Gremlins stuff. I was only allowed to watch Karate Kid, Back to The Future.

No, but I mean some of the things in your life they’re little Gremlins in your life and if you do not shine light in those Gremlins in your life then they’re going to take over.

So true.

That’s the point.

So true. That’s so true. No, I love it. That’s great. Hopefully you got a lot out of this episode. I’m really excited for you guys to take massive action on this one. I think it can really change the game. Even if all you do is you change what you’re saying, like how Erin said to imitate until you become it.

I think you’ll have so much more success. The imposter syndrome is huge for everybody. Just acknowledge it and move on, move forward. You’ll get there and the inner critic, tell him to get lost seriously. Let’s do it. So with that, we want to remind you that you need to, you have to, you must ditch the employee mindset. Start living the boss life.